Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

i thought i'd crossed this bridge long ago
and left it burning in the snow.
it goes to show you never know just how deep some cuts can go.
five years almost to the day
through hurt comes hope he dared to say.
only now do those words rend and sting
lashing and tearing, nodding and encouraging.
i warm until i am melted and then start to simmer and burn.
thinking nothing of the healing powers of time.
i'm still beating myself for ancient crimes.
i've never known repentance but i lash harder every day.
and even if i am forgotten, or fogiven, i cannot hold.
a lesson learned at too great a cost.
replace honour with a refusal to look back.
never anything by halves.
a love of self long since lost.
my nature is twisted, it hurts when i move.
i live to admonish, consign and reprove.
i daren't put a foot wrong.
i keep my feelings where they are only mine, cold and dead but still in line.
where it seems they belong.
wild beasts in cages
wrong wrong wrong.
i'm still standing on this bridge.
it burns from both ends.
i've betrayed myself and my friends.
i mask my weakness with stubborn greed.
i take what i want and i take what i need.
i dont know any other way to be.
but there was something good in me.
and maybe old words are the key.
my last hope is that in my fear,
and in keeping my regrets too near,
i've also retained what was dear
even after so many years.
so many years ago.
so maybe in my letting go
i'll find that piece of me at last
i'll be stronger than the past
i'll hope for the strength to forgive
and for the strength to live
and in that, find absolution.
i'll never know hope like i did years ago
but ... well,
who knows.